i keep fooling myself that it’s ok, you can handle it, new experience. in all honesty, it’s under control. but the lure to cross beyond is tempting, more that what i fear. not for anything else, i am tempted to try, to see how it is and how it would play out. i am already in its gaping jaws, i’m more than halfway to walk away. curiosity kills the cat as they say, siting here i wonder if i would have the same fate. i’ve decided for now to go against what i would normally do. this time no more reservations, no fears. hedonistic as it may sound, i need to do this and i will do it.

you don’t need to taste sugar to know it’s sweet. but i need to.