coffee break

there are times in our lives that although we know for sure that it’s the wrong choice,  we still keep doing it. it seems like regressing if you think about it; i’m going back  to the dark, where it seems comfortable. ignorance is bliss.

i keep fooling myself that it’s ok, you can handle it, new experience. in all honesty, it’s under control. but the lure to cross beyond is tempting, more that what i fear. not for anything else, i am tempted to try, to see how it is and how it would play out. i am already in its gaping jaws, i’m more than halfway to walk away. curiosity kills the cat as they say, siting here i wonder if i would have the same fate. i’ve decided for now to go against what i would normally do. this time no more reservations, no fears. hedonistic as it may sound, i need to do this and i will do it.

you don’t need to taste sugar to know it’s sweet. but i need to.

not too long ago, year 2005, winter to late summer, i was assigned to do a transition project in the u.s. i was all over the map, flying and driving from state to state every week. but i do get to spend some time-off from work once in a while. just 3 years ago, in a suburb in philly with friends on a liberty bell tour.  how i’ve changed…

yes, i looked like a kid, a gawky kid at that. i was always in my most comfortable. now you understand when i say that it isn’t always about comfort. i don’t know how it happened but i’ve changed a lot. most noticeably is my body. how i dress (dress up is a more fitting term), my demeanor, taste in food, even my habits. i am no longer that ‘kid’, but i will always be that person. the one outside looking inside the candy shop.

i can’t really express it into words. my friends have a front row seat on how and when, but not the why. even myself can’t think of the why, but i guess that is what we do, we change. for some it’s because of a specific experience or a person or even circumstances. i simply change because that is what i suppose to do. even now i’m still changing, and changing and changing. it’s a good change for me; i was able to drop that kid look in 3 years, and i no longer have to bring with me ids entering clubs a watching movies. but the thing is, i feel old, not because i look older. that part of me who’s silly, carefree, adventurous, the part who’s spontaneous and laughs unknowingly at myself is somewhat gone. everything is a calculated move as all grownup should do. you should be politically correct, sensitive to all issues…

times have changed; some positive, some not for the better. but that is all what we have, a spoonful of change to shake up your stale life.

listening to:
All The Best – Tina Turner: Proud Mary

meet john. a contestant at the shot, a reality tv show in vh1 for aspiring fashion photographer. but if you gonna ask me, he should be the one whose picture should be taken. he is so freaking HOTT! with that angular jaw and distinct, flowy hair, he could easily book a job. i hope that he would make it. let’s all cheer for john.

am not really into reality tv, specially tila tequila and i love new york 2; these are the kind of show that makes you wanna jump out of the terrace of a 22nd floor apartment. this show is really something and gives good insights and perspective of being a fashion photographer. and of course america’s most smartest model; laughing is good for your soul, seriously. your health couldn’t be perfecter.

listening to:
The Confessions Tour – Madonna: Isaac

i believe in the innate goodness of men. some people calls this insanity but i say no. i still believe the people are good; that given a situation, they will do the right thing. i believe we as citizen of the world will resolve our differences and get pass our skin color, accent, the shape of our eyes and face, our physical attributes and see beyond them. i hope that poverty will end, maybe not sooner but i hope and pray in my lifetime so i can get to see that no one is hungry. i dream of a violence-free society. no wars, no battles to be fought, no conflict…