kapish?

listening to:  
Room For Squares – John Mayer : No Such Thing

if this stops you from loving, then you don’t love him enough.

let’s all pause and think. ironic to think that abundance of choices sometimes limit us. sometimes having less makes it easier for us. life is never about abundance, it’s about having enough. but here we are in this rat race, were success is measured by excesses.

life is simple, we just need to live. and how we live our lives is entirely up to us. as for me, i need to stop over analyzing. i need to be present and live my life instead of thinking about it. aside from being simple, life is also short. so live.

listening to: 
Waiting For My Rocket To Come – Jason Mraz : No Stopping Us

this trip is all about comfort, so i got myself a first class ticket and just 1 luggage with the exception of my carryon and laptop bag. i don’t want another harrowing experience i used to have during business trips, the hassle of narrow seats, smelly passengers and uncomfortable reclining chairs. and the luggage carrousel, how many times had my luggage been mishandled, topped (is my luggage a bottom? i wonder), gangbanged, stepped on and all imaginable abuse. but i love this wine colored luggage, it has been with me for 4 years, 8 trips, full of trinkets, fashion forward finds, and shoes. decided to just bring 1 luggage with me for 2 reasons. 1, i don’t want to make it difficult for me, tagging 2 luggage. 2, to limit myself from shopping. i stuffed this one with clothes good for the 4 weeks i plan to stay here. half of which is for the tropical, manila like weather in miami, and half is for the winter chills of new york and san francisco. somewhere along the lines of me and rocky playing in the ginormous parks and being buried in snow, we have extended our vacation to 6 weeks.

the hard part is, being here and not shop. specially during the after christmas, after new year sale where all retailers have big sale, up to 70% off. passing at gucci at union square, i was almost tempted buying the canvass tote with leather trim in brightly colored handles (s/s 2009). my sales associate readily took the bag i have (which i bought from her) for safekeeping, and toured me with at the new gucci location at trump tower. she knows my affection to large totes and took me at the men’s bag showing off their new collection and sale items. i almost, almost handed her my card when mom came in. i don’t know if it were a save or a huge mistake, with the bag marked down 20% off.

san francisco is a different story. mom joined me here to visit her sister. i  left them to themselves as i tour the city alone. after a week, mom went back to miami and i was left here, all free, at least shopping wise. macy’s, h&m, hollister, gap, banana republic, old navy and bloomingdale’s. these became my tourist destination. no big brands bag as tita will tell on me. so the problem is now, luggage space. solution? a new luggage. i love, love, LOVE my new luggage. it’s from heys, super lightweight and durable, in leopard print. it’s so spunky and out there, i will definitely not have any difficulty looking for it. i think it’s a blessing in disguise that i only brought with me 1 luggage.what would be difficult is going to the airport with 2 big luggage, a big kennel with rocky in it and my carryon.

i’’m sad that i need to drug rocky again. but i have to. he has fully recovered arriving here in san francisco, and now we are going back home. no place like it.

listening to:
Viva La Vida – Coldplay : Viva La Vida

i’m getting sentimental, one can always argue that it’s old age but i think it’s more of self awareness and appreciation. i always say that i’m ok being alone, being single but it’s only now that i fully understand what being single means to me. it’s not that i love being single but i have come to terms with it. i used to believe that being single is a like being a social outcast, a leper. putting meaning when there’s none. i’m only 31 but i feel i just survived a midlife crisis. if this is one, it means i’ll live ’til 62 give or take 2 years.

the things is, when you feel so alone, you are not. trust me, you are never alone.

listening to:
The Language of Life – Everything But the Girl : The Road

i decided to stay, i choose to stay. i’ve learned that i don’t need any reason for my decision, for my choosing. reasons dilutes your power to choose, it takes away your right to choose. for taking the reason takes away your decision as well. but of course i have my reasons, i just disregarded them. so far i am happy with the way things are and that’s enough for me. you can’t have it all, but what i can have is contentment and peace.

as the guru once said, there is no wrong choice. indeed there is none, only bad judgment.

listening to:
Camp Soundtrack – Tiffany Taylor And The Company: Here’s Where I Stand

from the lot i like this the best. the tailoring is still immaculate, undeniably gucci; though most fashion houses like lanvin and hermes have this voluminous/pajama look for spring, the gucci man is still stylish, lean and cut throat fierce. he is not shy with the play of colors for this season with colored and printed jeans, jackets and suits. the lush of tropical flora and fauna all over the gucci man. at first it may seem tacky and uninspiring but as we all know, it’s all about the execution. even the bags and shoes have a splash of color and a playful detail print of hibiscus (that’s gumamela for you pinoys), parrots and other exotic birds and flower. and speaking of accessories, for me, this collection’s strength is on the accessory. the aquamarine crocodile tote is perfection so is the electric blue bag satchel.

here are my top picks:

the complete spring/summer 2009 collection:

images by men.stye.com

listening to:
Waiting For My Rocket To Come – Jason Mraz : No Stopping Us

went to laguna for our tower’s offsite, otherwise known as outing. i actually begged off from the event however i was to be a ‘judge’ in the evening’s program. judge in so much i’ll tear them down to pieces and sure that they know how much they screw up but am not the one who decides who won. think american idol. the performances were not halff bad, in fact they were entertaining but i was told to be mean so why not, it’s fun that way. and the end of the night, they all hated me, job well done. though i did not spend the night, went home late that evening and had really, really late dinner with friends me wearing my board shorts and tank top at greenbelt 3.

finally watched sex and the city with dahon and cindy-pot saturday night. there were a quite a handful of men. kuddos for braving the cinema to be with your girlfriends. the movie is so much into the tv series that it could be actually done as a tv movie. there was no jump from the small screen to the big screen, this is actually good for the die hard sex and city fans (moi included) as it provides the continuity of the series but one one is left asking if the movie version was necessary. i love, love, LOVE patricia field, her vision is such a breath of fresh air but she could have done better. in the one of the opening scenes (spring/summer), carrie and charlotte were wearing florals. in the words of the legendary miranda priestly, which she dressed, florals?, in spring?, groundbreaking! although the givenchy studded belt is so HUGE (not  literally) and having it on the waist of carrie would even make it as an IT fashion accessory, but do i have it to see it n times? though the contrast of delicate vintage floral dior and the studded leather belt is indeed a refreshing twist. i was expecting something similar to devil wears prada, specially the scene where miranda was throwing bags after bags at the desk of andy, no 2 items were alike, no 2 items were of the same brand! but get a hint here ladies, curves and belts are back. no more boho fashion, show ‘em your humps, it’s all about silhouettes. overall, the movie delivered its promise; it’s not all fashion and clothes, it’s about the lives of 4 extraordinary new york women wearing the most expensive, luxe, designer and couture clothes as they drudge over their day to day lives.

faces of friends as they embark on a trip with no confirmed reservations, no knowledge where to go, or how to get there. just machupichu (white honda jazz) and the will to have the greatest adventure yet.

all we know is that we are heading north to zambales, either potipot or anawangin. we had a reservation at pundaquit in a bed and breakfast (wannabe) residence of a local there. failing to locate a pnb branch and pay the accommodation, the owners decided to give our room to another group, a day before our supposed trip. the only room available is a 2 bed bedroom at a staggering php4,500.00. i don’t know if it was a gimmick of the owners to force us to get the pricey room but i am completely turned off. it’s a makeshift bed and breakfast, i can get an executive room at the shangrila makati for php3,999.00++ (thanks to mom’s membership) with complimentary breakfast. we decided to try search for other accommodation to no avail. no rooms available for us.

being the adventurer we are, we headed north of manila with no clear place to stay. we have set our hearts to anawangin and that’s where we will be. on our way, we were planning contingencies if ever we really can’t find somewhere to stay. it’s either 1.) sleep along the long stretch of trees in pundaquit, 2.) sleep in the car 3.) go back to subic and stay at a hotel or 4.) go to mt. pinatubo instead. good thing we headed early and was able to make good time to scout the local area for accommodation. turning right somewhere in pundaquit, we were able to see a house with a makeshift lighthouse. named wild rose inn, dahon felt a vibe that this is the place that will save us from our misfortune, so she figured having a first name rosemarie. she went to the inn and talked to the owner whom we will address here as tita lover. tita lover is a character, you’ll love her to bits. she is a balikbayan from canada who spoke to us in english and speaks to her husband and house helps in tagalog. we don’t know why, she just does. she offered us an airconditioned room with a queen size bed and a double bed, t&b for only php1,800.00! we settled at tita lover’s inn and asked one of the help if he can look for a boat to take us to anawangin and capones.

after settling to our room, we packed our lunch, change to our swimming gear and headed to the islands. a small boat, just enough for the 5 of us and 2 boatmen ferried us to anawangin. it was a rather turbulent 40 minutes ride since it was a small boat. we were able to get to the island, safely, before the high noon. we ate lunch under the tall pine trees to shade us. irish’s mom packed adobong manok and embutido for lunch. it was a nice lunch together with friends. we were sharing food, eating food with bare hands (yes i know how to), sharing stories and chismis. after lunch we hit the sea, for me, some serious 1 on 1 with the sun.

… to be continued

since i am already in the topic of gym, i am happy to say that i have gained almost 20lbs, 18lbs to be exact. i now weigh 145lbs, targeting 150, thanks to my personal trainor. unlike most people, i have a different dilemma; i loose weight when i don’t go to the gym. yep, it’s kinda strange but going to the gym is the only reason why i don’t get blown away during typhoons and strong winds. like i said, i’m targeting 150lbs, i think that weight with my height of 5′7″ would be a perfect pair when i’m being asked about my weight and height. people notice me bulking up since i joined the gym. i was in hiatus for more than a year from the gym mostly because i travel for work and that i lost interest in taking care of myself, but 2008 is about me so i’m back. i’m quite happy with my proportions; legs and torso seems to be matched. i have to say since a lot of the gym nuts are johnny bravos-heavy on the torso, limp on the legs-or chicken legs. i’m so mean!

however, me bulking up posed a serious problem for me, and my viktors.

to date, i have 29 viktors. these are investments, clothes are always an investment. it is how you present yourself to the world and of course you always want to wrap yourself with the finest thai silk, mother of pearls, de beers diamonds and put your best foot forward. almost half of them are skinny jeans-really fitting, seam busting, 2nd skin like skinny jeans-that i can no longer wear. simply because it won’t fit me anymore. my legs grew 2 inches in diameter each, how i wish it grew vertically. it won’t fit me and goes only up to my thighs. it’s such a sappy, sappy day when i found out. happy that i gained weight but sad that my ultimate viktor vp#1 is now just in my closet. these jeans hanging on my rack are the only ones that i can wear, some of them after 10 minutes of pulling. looking fierce is such a fierce job.

if you are a vip viktor citizen, we are having a launching sale with the lord viktor line paired with selvedge japanese premium denim for LV#1. sale ends on may 5 so phone your denim specialist now! don’t forget to bring your viktor pasaporte.

listening to:
The Dutchess – Fergie: London Bridge

nearing the end of april, i haven’t visited gold’s, not once, i decided to pay them a visit and try out the gym. i tried the robinson’s galleria branch since it’s near to my office. entrance to the gym was at the back of the mall, at gloria jeans coffee shop. the reception is inside the coffee shop, there’s a stairwell going down to the gym. my first impression of the gym is that it’s crampy and gloomy. the color scheme is too dark for a gym for my taste; i want to see splashes of colors, warm colors to invigorate my senses to work out. it seems like a dungeon with workout machines, less the tar burning torches. as i proceeded to the locker room, i passed at the towel area and got my complimentary towel which is worn out. at the locker room, my feeling of gloominess did not improve, dark gray walls with a pale bluish gray lockers. i changed to my workout clothes and hit the gym area. the machines were all occupied so i decided to go to the free weights area where only 2 benches can be fit somewhat comfortably. i grabbed a 20lbs dumbbell and worked my biceps. a hunky, bald, chinito guy bent over beside me and started working his biceps as he leaned over the rows of dumbbells. his perfectly shaped ass was literally inches away from me. i cut short my biceps workout and hit the smith machine instead; though his ass was perfection and his body to die for, i am not comfortable sharing space with strangers that up close. 60, 70, 80kgs attached to the smith, i did my traps (your shoulder muscles connecting the neck and shoulders), nearing my last set, bent over backwards baldy winked at me. deadma. playing hard to get, hihihi. working my way to the bench press, i notice that the gym was gathering a lot people, i went straight to the locker room and showered. packing my gym stuff, i saw rust stains on my gloves.

one of the reason why i keep a separate gym membership is that i don’t like crowds. i am quite claustrophobic that when people gather i feel uneasy and suffocated. i need my leg room, i need space to move around. although i only have these attacks with strangers. i value my personal space that i am paying quite a premium for gym membership to a more controlled gym. platinum clubs control the number of members they have, that and they cost more, a lot more. even at the spa, i have a regular therapist that does my treatments. am not comfortable that people i don’t know is giving me a deep tissue massage and scrubbing me with crushed coffee beans. call me snooty, but i can’t stand crowds; i can’t stand the feeling that someone i don’t know is close by.

the hr sent the registration for the may gold’s gym membership. i enrolled again. why? because i want to get over this. i think it’s an unhealthy thing to have and the universe is telling me to change it. did i mention baldy gave his number at the locker.

listening to:
Airdrawndagger – Sasha: Requiem

happy earth day! did you know that you can listen to the humpback whale’s song at this site! they stream the live songs of these gentle giants for you to appreciate. did you know that the humpback whale has the most complex language pattern in the planet? if ever intelligent beings from other planets comes to contact with earth, it is believe that they are most likely to talk to the humpbacks.

don’t forget to watch an inconvenient truth at hbo tonight, april 22 at 9.00pm.
* image from onlinehome.us.

listening to:
Smokiest Hits – Smokey Mountain: Paraiso

mom’s leaving for good. when i say for good, i mean she’s migrating to the u.s. for good-for good. everything is set, almost all her bags are packed, some had been shipped to the florida keys, where she will be staying, and she’s set to fly this sunday. i think i’ll miss my mom. though i’m used to living alone, i’ll miss her nagging and constant reminder if i have my keys with me, if i have turned off the tv in my room, to bring my used clothes downstairs. traveling had made me accustomed to be by myself, but knowing that there’s mom at home, in manila, waiting and possible nagging me for forgetting or losing something makes me feel assured, at home.

i don’t know why mom decided to live in the u.s., my siblings are against it. me, i’m all for my mom’s happiness. if she thinks she’ll be better there, then she should be there. i’m not being indifferent and distant, i just don’t want to stop my mom from doing the things she wants to. she’s 60, she should be able to decide what makes her happy. we are all grown up, we can make our decisions for ourselves, and my mom needs to make her own. her living in florida do post challenges. ocean, continents apart, i can’t just knock on her room if i want to ask her to go with me and eat thai in morato, or go shopping at greenbelt. seeing her would be an effort of planning, scheduling and some serious saving up. i can now imagine the pile of used clothes in my room as i always “forget” to bring it down.

this means that i will be living alone, alone-alone. though i have my yaya, she has her own place (2 houses down the road) and refuses to move in with me. i will be all by myself, going home to an empty apartment, cold, desolate, unappreciative…

to my mom who is brave that she’ll be living alone in a foreign country without knowing anyone, may you find that you seek. and i’ll definitely visit you before the year ends.

listening to:
Daft Club – Daft Punk : Digital Love (Boris Dlugosh Remix)

i recently got wiser. who am i kidding, i got older, a couple more gray hairs, bio clock ticking. it was hush-hush, no one from the office knew about my birthday except for those i am friends with at friendster. if you know how to turn-off the birthday announcement of friendster, kindly drop me an email. the tsongers celebrated my birthday a week early; as always, we find it difficult to be in the same place/city/country/continent, at the same time. bert is in japan until i don’t know when, martha will be flying to japan as well on the week of my birthday and most of the other tsongers are in a baby boom mode. half full/half empty depending on the perspective on your side, we marched to makati to celebrate my getting grumpier. dahon was gracious enough to have our potluck in her pad. brian was the event master and assigned everyone what food to bring. i brought prawns, one in spicy thai coconut milk soup and a spicy halabos style. kat prepared appetizer (hotdogs and spicy mushroom), eden brought a platter of makis and sushi, martha bought a bucket of good ol’ kfc, bri and helena cooked pancit bihon, art and pearly brought lumpiang shanghai, bin and rish bought yellow cab pizzas and the hostess whipped up a dessert zoe called duh! yummy (dayami) cake.

it was fun being with friends, catching up. hysterical laughter and dissing people without feeling offended. it wouldn’t be a tsongers get together without the insults and love of tsismis. we love to play games, even went to batanggas once just to play bridge. eden brought with her jenga, similar to uno stacko without the colors and numbers. dahon being competitive as hell, is now the world record holder of having the longest time before moving a single block of jenga. after 2, or was it 3?, rounds of jenga, we played taboo a game of unspeakable fun. people laughing and trying their best to guess while the person describing the word not to use the taboo words.

aging this way is fun. all of my guests were in pairs with the exception of dahon and kat. the 3 singles of the group… sigh

p.s. i’m so happy that very few knows my exact birth date, except close friends of course. i don’t know, i’m comfortable announcing my age, but not my birth date. i just don’t want people greeting my happy birhtday even singing it.

richard sent a message saturday evening, dinner at serendra with his current beau jake. i was in training at viktor in trinoma, helping out people in dire need of styling and guidance in dressing up. i replied asking where to next since i won’t get off until 10.00pm. i went home shortly after and killed time watching memoirs of a geisha at hbo. i so love the dance piece of ziyi zhang, so full of emotions noh? 11.30pm, i called richard to find out they were still at bonifacio high street, at fully booked. i set a 12.00 midnight rendezvous at our hangout, cafe adriatico, called arman who’s in malabon. 12.30, i was in my lonesome at starbucks waiting from them freaking people. richard decided not to show up and arman was late as always. without jake and richard, arman and i went to sonata to kill time over booze, i need time to spend with my friend armand will all the drama in his life. catching up with our lives and occasional boy watching, my attention was caught by a group of not so hip youngsters. typical fashion, skinny jeans, printed top, but the real crime here is the scarf. the overflowing abundance of scarves everywhere. when i was in cincinnati and it was, say 39 farenheit/4 celsius i still go out with just a light jacket.

i don’t get it. since when scarves of the south became a fashion trend in a city whose average temperature is 77 farenheit/25 celsius? i am a big fan of fashion and accessories but it isn’t always fashion just for the sake of being fashionable. it’s about making it work and owning it. if you’re going for the one of a kind look, be sure you can pull it off and not stick in a crowd like a sore thumb full of scabs after the fashion police mauled you for your getup. not to mention that they have with them digital cameras that they took turns taking pictures in the bustling alley as if they are in a park on a sunny day. to each his own they say, but this one, it’s really their own and they should keep it that way.

-oOo- i am in viktor at trinoma every saturday afternoon until closing. i am a stylist and helps out customers in picking out their custom jeans. please drop by anytime for your 1 of a kind jeans, and if you need my help, i’m there on saturdays.

listening to:
As I Am – Kristin Chenoweth: Taylor, the Latte Boy

friday. asked a colleague to patch me so i can take my 1.30pm call at home. well enough, i finished the call early at 3.00pm and prep up to go to makati sports club for our coffeetalk. met kat there however i just stayed for 30 minutes. really not my thing; call me anti-social, but i can’t stand crowds. so called alan and bugsy for a quick shopping. though bugsy joined much later for dinner. yaya on tow, i scour glorieta and greenbelt for a much needed retail therapy and ended up buying 3 long sleeved shirts at tyler, a  burgundy colored shirt at springfield and shoes in carbon. we ate at max brenner since i heard that they have a mean pasta dish there.  i had the classic pasta in garlic and olive with shrimp and yaya had the chicken arabiata and washed it with a good hot cup mexican chili cocoa. bugsy, late as ever arrived while we were having dessert at coffee bean. i love their ultimate mocha and pistachio sans rival and so i ordered the pair, yaya had the triple decker. the famished bugsy wanted to have dinner so it’s off to another restaurant, kitchen. i had the pumpkin soup. do they really user pumpkin or substitute it with a local squash? i dunno…

saturday. to start the day right, i had a spa treatment, a coffee scrub and a whole body massage as i do every weekend. this have become a routine for me; taking care of my body with this lavish pampering. right after i went shopping, hehehe. topman have been a consistent source of decent clothes for me. so i buy. and buy. and buy. 4 shirts to be exact. on my way out of the mall, i saw guess and decided to give them a go. it’s always been a let down for me there. their sizes are always for the big boned however there this was white long sleeved shirt on the rack, in a small size. so this was me on a guess boutique, grab, run, fit, swipe, smile. finally, i bought something at guess that made me smile. went home, dumped my shopping bags and decided to celebrate my good fortune at timog for some good loving, read as ate my fat ass off and drowned myself with starbucks drinks.

sunday. after a resounding sleep, i went to see my dentist for my monthly braces adjustment. and gawd, she pulled my lower right molar. so i’m happy, not because i’m a tooth less but because of the drugs. hehehe. tooth or no tooth, i made my way to podium. viktor jeans texted me earlier that the 2 jean i have ordered are available. so i braved edsa and made my way to the bustling ortigas center. met up with bugsy who have just finished his gym training in ortigas. so i fit, and fit and ended up ordering for a new pair. yes, i am a viktor jeans addict and i have 15 pairs of their jeans in my closet. i already have my vip#1; for those not in the know, every 10th pair of jeans, ito will give you a vip jeans for free. and the design (back pocket design) is not available for you to buy. so 5 more and i’ll have the vip#2. makig our way down, i dropped by at topman and bought myself another shirt and this time, a white belt. hungry, we ate at lasa at the ground floor and had palabok. can’t eat anything hard or chewy or hot since i had a tooth extraction. went home and dropped everything at the house and off to the spa, again. once can’t have too many massages. bugsy in tow, we went to timog for a relaxing swedish massage. after our his-and-his massages, separate rooms of course you pervs!, went to morato starbucks. my now-empty-space-where-my-molar-used-to-be needs some cold loving. goodness! that piece of place is the hangout of pubescent hot things. i think, except me, bugsy is the oldest and he’s only 23. later sipping my venti mocha frap, bugsy with his venti green tea frap and a shared oreo cheese cake, 2 lean, muscled guys were walking to and fro the patio (smoking area) and the inside the covered area. i noticed. i asked bugsy if those 2 guys were money for hire guys. in the light of the malu fernandez story and sounding stereotypical, i have to say they do look like money for hire guys. bugsy did correct me that they were part of this all boy group and that they performed in government sometime before. touche.

monday. need i say it? ok, i shopped. you happy? it’s a long weekend and i need to do something. kim forgot his zen video when he gave his pasalubong to me when he was in cebu. i promised him that we’ll meet in monday so i can give it back to him. we met at megamall with his boyfriend. they will be watching the gawd-awful movie blades of glory so i didn’t bother joining. 5 storey shopping mall, considered 1 on the largest in the world, credit cards at hand, no prior appointment, shop!!! on my way home, i somewhat decided to shave it all off, now i have no hair.

2 shoes, 13 long sleeves, 3 jeans, a belt, spa treatments and a facial, 4 venti mocha frap, 5 venti drip coffee and a bald head after, i’m flat ass broke. if there’s one thing i’m really good at, it’s not shopping but being fabulously broke.

-oOo-

i have to say, if you’re planning to get a swirl card from coffee bean and tea leaf, don’t. their system is so shitty that my card which had a problem a month ago is still with them and there’s no word when can i get it. when i got the card, i decided to deposit php500 and use it as a debit card (much like my starbucks card in australia and the us). when i asked the counter person if there’s an online system to check my balance and transactions, he said no. i felt a little iffy then on but i decided against my gut and take it upon chance that nothing would go wrong. boy was i so wrong! the 2nd transaction i had with the card, i bought a caesar salad. i don’t know the exact details but right after the cashier swiped my card, my balance became -php10. the nerve! unless that salad cost php500++ i say their feaking system is nothing but shit! and now my card is all their’s and all i have is… NADDA! bitches!

 -oOo-

finally, a song sent to me by a very special friend…

[video 168 w=400]

moi old url http://friedreich.wordpress.com will auto-redirect you to this new one, but i rather that you update your links people…

so starting last friday, i was eating again. more than i could bargain. i had shabu-shabu till i couldn’t eat anymore. i spent my whole weekend eating. eating and eating till i couldn’t eat. last saturday we went to serendra at the fort. had pasta at larry’s which i have to say is not that appetizing and not worth your money. everytime a new dish was taken out of the kitchen, my nose follows the scent. and i keep asking the waiter to bring me a plate of whatever i smelled. i was literally ordering the whole menu. i was that hungry, or say food deprived when i was hospitalized. yesterday, dahon and i went out. we were suppose to shop, but for some reason i weren’t able to. i only bought a light jacket that i can use at the office. i was trying to persuade dahon to buy the tote bag for her laptop at salt, a shop at rustan’s. but she forgot her rustan’s card and didn’t buy the really nice bag. we didn’t bother with our scheduled spa treatment at the spa, i lost my enthusiasm for a good massage over shopping. but for the life of me, i only bought the light jacket, and no more. we ate at masas in greenbelt 2. food overload! we ordered bulalo, laing and boneless crispy pata that is as good as the boned one because it’s too crispy. sad to say, the food is not as great as it use to be. we decided to cap the night over cakes at coffee bean with tales of how it is in the office. woes and frustrations…

yesterday i had my braces adjusted. i have to there are improvements, my jaw is now aligned. yep, i have a misaligned jaw. you can’t really tell but when you put your fingers at my jaw and yawned or opened my mouth you could feel my jaw in an ‘s‘ like motion when i close my mouth. it’s called the tmj or temporomandibular joint. my tmj is misaligned that’s why i have those chronic migraine. now my jaw is better. and my lower teeth is slowly aligning as well.  almost a year of braces, at least i can see and feel the results.

now, i just really need to gain weight… ideas anyone?

very few people knew that i was sick. well of course the office and some really close friends.i don’t want to sensationalize my condition. but it really was a close call to death that i guess i was lucky enough to miss. i will not tire myself at work, at least i will try. work has piled up and my mailbox was full of it. it’s comforting in a way, my routine.lying in the hospital bed, forced me to think. about living alone, relationships, comfort and other random things. how much of me have i invested? really, how much of me is the needy type who can not live without other people? on my wake, how many will actually mourn my passing away because i matter to them? how many out there love me? not the need-love love, but real, no-reciprocal-needed love.

i envy dahon. we were alike, were the operating word. we guard ourselves, our emotions, our true intentions because we are afraid. me, i’m afraid to be hurt. afraid that after me baring myself, i’ll be more alone than ever. so i hide. guarded myself not to let anyone in. rose was able to break from her cocoon, me? i created another cocoon inside. it’s unhealthy but this is how i am now. years i have been trying to change things but…

maybe this is my medication talking, maybe my subconscious, hell i don’t know. but no amount of bag or shoes or italian clothes can make this go away. i have to face my demons now. and all i have are nice set of clothes to battle it with. God help me with this one…

 i have to be honest, i like my current company now. i like how it takes care of its people. i pride myself that i belong to this company who values it’s people, recognizes diversity, embraces change and empowers people. however a company is only ran by its people and it’s those different stroke that made me decide to cut ties. i’ve grown tired. i no longer enjoy what i do. work now feels work and my passion to develop and architect web solutions is now gone. for me it’s a big deal. the leadership is asking me what they can do to rescind my resignation. but as of this moment, i don’t wan to think anymore. it’s like i’m done thinking. it’s time for you guys to step up and present me reasons why should  i chose to stay. though it’s my problem too but, the solution now is up to them. i want to be selfish. i want to think of myself for a change. i’ve been thinking what’s best for the project, what adds value to the client, what good for the company… that no one is actually thinking what’s best for me.

 i need to be selfish here. i need to address what is important to me and what will make me happy. maybe i.t. is just something i am good at but not necessarily what i should be doing. i don’t know, i’ve been doing this for almost 7 years now and it seems like this is my world. but i have to consider and step out of the box. maybe i am meant to dance. or be a stage prop. or to teach yoga. or maybe i am to solve world peace, poverty and hunger. i don’t know, all i know is that i’m tired and i need a timeout.