i want to do more, a lot more. i want to live forever. for a man who said he’s ok to die, that’s a little contradicting. living forever is being immortalized, like jose rizal and big bird. i want to be remembered, in a good way of course, i may not be religious by i still believe in doing good. nobody wants to be remembered as the bitchy person who scrutinizes wardrobe and style from head to toe. rather, someone who influences and improved style and beauty of people and things around. it’s all in the sentence construct and perspective of the one writing… i want to be more, not just the enterprise architect that i am. a mentor, professor, designer, yogi, president.

that’s the problem. the problem of the guy who wants to be everything to everyone.

a lot has changed with me. my friend @yayiebuenviaje accuse me of being a mac fanboy. i maintain to this day that i’m not, i am a mainstream loving windows guy. but i do love their products. for me the difference of me liking the products against being a fanboy is that, i don’t like everything apple. take for instance the iphone 3gs and prior. i hated the form factor, its aesthetics, which is a big basis for me buying and/or liking a product. what made it worse for me is that my mom gave me a 3gs before, and it only lasted me less than 4 hours on full charge. i have to say that this is not a hand me down, this is a brand new, unopened and sealed phone. and what cemented my “hate” for apple is its ceo coupled with the release of iphone 4. for right after its release, it was plagued with the death grip. and for the longest time apple denied it, it’s just a rumor. then by some soul searching and truth serum they admitted that there’s a problem, but dragged everybody else by pointing fingers to other handsets saying that they too have the same problem. the ceo made an appearance in a song and dance publicity event if you will, being brazen and in your face as he’s known, saying, as i wittingly surmise, ‘yes there’s a problem, here’s a free bumper”. what the fuck?!? you have people line, push and upgrade their plan, wait for eternity, shell out php30,000-php40,000 (in this neck of the woods) for a faulty handset? are you screwing with me? (not the kind i like, nor that you’re my type). then again i like my macbook pro. the color, feel, build, sheer power and awesomeness makes me forget that apple screwed me with just 2 usb ports and nonstandard display output.

my introduction to ipad2 was rather an unusual one. to start with, i hated the ipad. being a proud owner of a galaxy tab, i was preaching left and right how impractical ipad is and great the 7″ of wonder that the tab is, please note the present tense. first is that i have to say that it’s a gift to have an account manager at apple is, taking care of your every whim. secondly, it doesn’t hurt that the product is very visually appealing. my account manager called that i can pickup the accessory i ordered for my macbook; a connector to the projector for presentation. ever so “discretely” during the launch of the ipad2 in manila, i found my way to the mac store to find a long line of people trying either to get their hands on the device or gawk at it. skimmed pass the line, i found my account manager to get my connector. she handed me my order and a demo unit of the ipad2. clever bitch. not to seem rude or a prude, i played a little with the device with no intention of purchasing, but the bitch knew me. while i was toying with it, she grabbed a smartcover and demoed how it works. and right then i purchased the ipad so that i can use the cover, less the waiting and the queue.

you see, i get why yayie thinks that i am a mac fanboy. i am apple’s target market. the techy guy who’s all about aesthetics and cool factor. the guy who wants to see how it all works, put together things, upgrade to the latest version of software and hardware. were mobility and accessibility is a requirement rather than a nice to have, that needs to be plugged-in 24/7 and will die of slow internet access. i am all of those things. i am also the guy that can’t understand why a brand secludes itself from the world. why it doesn’t support popular applications outside its platform. this is why i am not a mac fanboy. i can’t and won’t accept that i’m locked (commitment issues?) to any one thing even if it’s a pretty little aluminum unibody shell.

and lastly, would it hurt if windows live writer and mac os be friends?

The COMELEC rejected Ang Ladlad’s bid for a party list accreditation for the May 2010 election. From the definition of the party list, these organization should represent the minority. They represent the voice of the small people in the congress were congressmen represents the majority of the people that elected them. COMELEC have sited that the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender community that Ladlad represents promotes immorality. I being openly gay is affected by this blind judgment that my government have cast upon me.
Just recently, the Department of Justice (DOJ) ruled to clear the Ampatuans. Seeing 57 dead bodies in a dugout mass grave who wanted to bring change in the Autonomous Region of the country breaks my heart and spirit. My government not doing anything with this blatant display of arrogance and power affects me.

How can I in good conscience root for this government? A government who discriminates me because of my sexuality instead of protecting me. A government that calls me immoral yet takes my ‘immoral’ tax. A government who turns a blind eye on the arrogance of its official for favors and wealth.

My countrymen, I beg you this election to grab your concerns and your worries. Put it in your heart and mind. Take control of you future. I will not persuade you who to vote, but I implore you to vote according to your conscience. The future is upon us now, this May. Own it.

for me, the measure of a good government is not gnp, or increased export or number of jobs created. it’s simply how much trust its citizen has in the government, and right now i have too little respect more so trust to this government. i used to say better gma nd fpj. now i wonder how it would be if fpj won.

listening to:
The Soul Sessions – Joss Stone : Dirty Man (Live)

i went to the mall to pay my bills that had been piling up and to confront smart. my wonderful phone was on roaming while looking for frodo. it receives almost a vast array of mobile service provider and keeps tooting every message it receives. but it miserably fails when i’m to send an sms or call someone. i waited impatiently for my number to be flashed in the queue, 5 persons ahead of me, with 3 customer service averaging eternity to finish a customer. great. a customer done, fine. but the freaking c.s. takes off and, i don’t know, had sex? where do you go 4 in the afternoon with a myriad of people queuing up?, aside from having sex. anyway, after an hour of waiting my number got called. i open with a calm statement with a snide sarcasm and an udertone of arrogance; i know, so me. the gracious c.s. asks some questions and asked for my permission to get my sim. ok, fine. she left and went inside the blackhole where the the other c.s. had sex, i presume. a quick 2 minutes, she came out and said it’s working. it’s not my line, it’s my phone. literally my phone. fuck.

i rushed to nokia store nearby and set my phones on the counter. with an exasperated tone, i said i need their help because my phone is not working the way it should be. the person was quick to point out that they are a sales outlet, and that i need to go to another mall to have it checked. he also was quick to advice not to use my phones to access the internet and download as it may corrupt the files in my phone. that does it. i gave him a mean look and said, i bought an x6 to access the internet, download, check emails. if you are telling i should use my phone to call and text then i should have gotten the entry level phone. the salesperson just kept quiet. i wanna go on a tirade of sermons but i need to catch the service center before they closes.

but really, if internet-ing crashes nokia phones, then why make an internet phone? i am so unlucky with phones.

p.s. there was a care package from mom when i got home. it had an iphone 3gs. i was not looking forward to using it, and since i’m 1 phone short, i gave it a go. to make this story short, it’s not for me. it’s too difficult to type. and it’s a cash/credit drain waiting to have its start. with all the cool stuff and ready to download itunes, i’m staying miles away from it.

the trouble of living vicariously through other people is that you tend to want it for yourself. then, the trouble begins.

*the trouble with living vicariously through other people is that you tend to want it for yourself. then, trouble begins.

listening to:
We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things. – Jason Mraz : The Dynamo Of Volition

with the exception of indie films, true indie films. cinemalaya has been paving the way for indie film makes and digital media, bringing them to the attention of a wider audience. but there are ’indie’ films who just poses to be one. since the late night 90s, bold/skin flick movies have died down as the sm department store chain decided not to show r-18 movies. one of the reason why sex an the city the movie was edited to make is pg-13 is because sm refuses to show play it in its cinemas. however, there’s a surging trend of ‘indie’ inspired gay movies. where acting is bad as its cinematography, casting and storyline. as long as you have a digital camera, people who’d bare all in front of it and some badly written plot, you have your indie movie. let’s call a spade a spade; these are not indie movies, these are bold movies. and most of them are released straight to video. like i always say, may ginto sa basura. in the sea of skin, dicks, bad script and even worse acting is a glimmer of hope and nuggets on insight. there are still who champion the beauty of the art of movie making and makes relevant depiction of the microcosm of life in manila. be it he urban poor’s struggle to live, a probinsyano’s drive to make it big in the city or the harsh life of people in general. it may sound humdrum but that is our reality. movies is supposedly entertaining, but it has a social obligation as well to educate. movies is a social depiction of us, of society and its intricacies and nuances. that is what movies are supposed to ne.

i am one who’s quick to draw on judgment but i do acknowledge beauty when i see one. or lack there of.

listening to:
Future Memories – ATB : New Day

the only person i will acknowledge as my president. you can argue with figures, poverty line, growth, etc. but the fact is, her presidency is not about those. it’s restoring social order, it’s about giving you back your freedom, your democracy.

i respect her as a leader, even without the title of president of the philippines. i admire her selflessness, her undying passion to do what is right even how contentious it is. she followed what she believes is right and just. they say that presidents should do what is right, but she followed what is in her heart and conscience. she may not have made the best decisions, alleviate us from poverty but she led us out of the hands of a tyrant. selflessly gave up power. silently and vigilantly watch over our best interest.

i hope you get better. in these days were morality, intentions and heart are in question, we need you more than ever. show us once again how to lead.

i averaged 2gb a day. that’s a whole season of big bang theory and some extra bits. most of these ‘requests’ came from the country who think they are so great and feels entitled to all thing. including my useless crap. hey you! no more freeloading. no more stealing. get your own. or have the decency to at least ask first.

i need to figure out a customizable leeching protection algorithm (brain freeze) to keep strays away from my site. if only wordpress is written in java. life would be so much easier.

listening to:  
Show – Matchbox 20 : Bright Lights

by the way, have you seen adam’s jacket with the shoulder accessories? so en vogue don’t you think? the exaggerated shoulders, the crocodile jacket, the hair, the guy-liner, is he coming out to america? afterall, it’s all done and over with. personally, i like his fashion sense as oppose to everyone else’s; everyone is boring, allison comes a far second to his absolute and distinct style. i know for a fact that he does his own styling. loving the style…

but singing and singing alone? i like kris’s. i gotten over with adam’s wailing/high note halfway through the season. not taking away anything from adam, he’s a good singer but it’s bordering to being showoff and over the top. with or without the idol trophy (which they started giving out this season), adam will sure have a recording contract. he’s a popular choice by mainstream america and would do well in the at the pop market. hell, i’ll buy his album if ever he’ll make one. kris on the other hand is about the emotion of the song which i appreciate. no big bands, no complicated lighting and stage, just stools, a guitar and a mic. his version of ain’t no sunshine evokes the pain of a man longing for the lost of his love. he did mess up the song no boundaries during the performance night but did justice on the finale results show.

so there. no more whining. just wait till their albums releases. i’m guessing this would be similar to season 5. were chris daughtry outsold everyone. who would ever buy/bought mr. no-neck-bone’s cd?

that’s all i can say, and that’s all i’ll say. this freaking recession has been used and abused as an excuse. really, i can’t stand another round of it. we need to move on.

oday, would-be-manager invited me to the pantry after reviewing a stack of proposals and sow (statement of work). he’s a coffee addict as well so i brought my beans which i keep at my bin (coffee beans should be kept in a cool place away from direct sunlight). as we were preparing the coffee press for brewing, we go about our usual catching up, read as chika and gossiping. we talked about project assignment, my new role, an offer for him to be a project manager of a highly visible project and somehow the conversation went to personal hygiene. he digress that one of his pet peeves is people who don’t wash hands after peeing. i think it’s because of the cut-off plastic spoon in the sugar jar that was being used as a scoop. he can’t stand the idea of an unwashed hand digging into the jar. admittedly, it’s one of those things that filipino men are guilty of, maybe because of our culture of peeing in the streets and unavailability of a washroom, or plain laziness. he further elaborates that as respected, revered, intelligent a person maybe, he thinks less of him once he found out that he doesn’t wash his hand and that he secretly watch who wash hands at the restroom.

y over active mind then wandered to this thinking. is it redundant to for gay men to wash hands after peeing? <adult topic> since we do *stuff*, stuff that involves that part, mouth, tongue and saliva, is washing hands just a waste of water and soap?  is not washing hands an act of auto-felatio? unless you’re o.c. that you really do wash everything you put in your mouth. </adult topic> my dentist really is telling the truth when she told me that the mouth is the filthiest part of a person.

offee, i need more coffee. or should i have less?

listening to:
MR. A-Z – Jason Mraz : Mr. Curiosity

below are my personal picks:

here is the complete spring/summer 2009 collection:

images courtesy of men.style.com

listening to:
Involver – Sasha Feat. Shpongle : Dorset Perception

the dvds are a different story. i installed this 1 click dvd to ipod software that made ripping dvds a breeze. it rips tv series dvds per episode, imagine that! however, i manually labeled the series name, season, episode number and name manually which is a drag. i was able to rip 6 seasons of will and grace, 3 seasons of sex and the city, seasons 1 & 2 of house, seasons 1 & 2 of avatar the last airbender, and before sunrise and before sunset. it was a ripping frenzy for the last 2 weekends. i know it’s not how i’m supposed to spend my weekends but i’m practicing celibacy and frugal living. not to mention that my ocd is kicking, trying to rip everything i can hold on to and dump it in my mega ipod. i still have to go through my classic movie collections-audrey hepburn, george peppard, rock hudson, doris day; i’m such a nut with the classics, and showtunes of course. my playlist is still not doing any better specially now that i dump more stuff into my itunes. another weekend just to cleanup a whole lotta digital mess.

speaking of digital stuff, are you aware of your digital footprint? digital footprint is defined as ‘trail, traces or footprints that people leave online’. this of course in a utopian world means nada, however we are living in an era far from ideal. netizens have a high digital footprint visibility but this is not exclusive to the web community. every piece of technology that you use is recording your every move. it may come off as the net-ish but it’s true. every sms you sent has been logged, recorded, audited and archived until as prescribed by ntc. even your bank transactions, either by phone, atm, over the counter or online is being logged for purposes that you may or may not like. these footprints you leave all trails back to you. imagine that people can be tracked down, even spell out your day, where you had lunch and what, what you bought last midnight sale, even the color. your internet activities, what site you’ve visited, how often, from where, your email and other social networking accounts, the ecard you created for your friends birthday, even the font, color and size. a world where privacy is just an illusion and your entire life, just a couple of mouse click away. leaving these marks is not as bad as it sound, in fact it may save your ass during criminal investigations as it would give you your iron clad alibi, provided you are innocent of course. there is no such thing as free service, not even google and gmail. their free services comes at the steepest price, your most intimate and private information. to discover your own digital footprint, you may go to this site.

listening to:
Hed Kandi 2004 – Solu Music Feat. Kimblee : Fade (Eric Kupper Remix)

i first got hooked with her after listening to the affection album, all around the world. i don’t know why but until now i love this song. the beat is just perfect and easy on the ears, it doesn’t lull me to sleep but doesn’t make me jump around and start shaking my ass. the lyrics is just as inspiring as she sings it with a hint of jazz. but my favorite of all her album that i have (i have her first 4) is the lisa stansfield. her music has matured and she just glow. my favorite cuts in this album are never, never gonna give you up and real thing. may sound cheesy but i like how the songs talk about love and and not letting it go. though most of her sound is about love, but these 2 combined with infectious melody and good lyrics stood out.

i miss the old times when they release 4-8 singles per album as oppose to today’s 3 singles per album.

last christmas party, i got gcs from starbucks as my exchange gift. i think it was a no brainer since everyone knows that i am a coffee addict. it was worth php1,000.00 so i bought a french press. of course i added a couple more hundred bills buy to the 2 cup french press, and looking back at it, it was a good buy since starbucks jacked up their prices. honestly, i haven’t tried coffee prepared using a french press; i tried the espresso machine and the usual drip coffee maker but not the manual and menial french press. coffee purists say that you haven’t tasted coffee unless it was prepared using the cafetieres(french press). intrigued, i bought my very own coffee press.

true, it tasted different from the stuff you buy at starbucks. it maybe the same bean, but it really has that distinct flavor that french press brings out from the bean. i don’t know if it’s the love and patience you put in to make that fresh brew, the care in every pump, or the anticipation of your very own, self made coffee. whatever it is, french pressed coffee is my only coffee (feeling coffee purist).

how to make that perfect brew:

• add 2 heaping tablespoon of freshly grounded coffee bean of choice to the glass pot. coarse to very coarse only.
• add boiling water
• allow the beans to brew/sit for 4-6 minutes. you make stir the pot using a wooden ladle, do not use metallic spoon. put the lid on but do not push the plunger down.
• after the brewing time, slowly push the plunger down to filter the coffee. do this a couple of time until your hand retires because it’s very difficult to push the plunger (literally).
• pour into a cup or mug and enjoy your coffee!

did you know that starbucks has a coffee passport? after sampling 2 bags each from the 4 blends (asia/pacific, latin america, africa/arabia region, multi-region), you’ll get the 9th bag-of choice, free! i already claimed my free bag. sweet!

listening to:
Back To Basics [Disc 2] – Christina Aguilera : Nasty Naughty Boy

cherry red? patent red?

-oOo-

met with richard and jake after and headed to morato for dinner. amici opened a branch along morato. it’s the same amici in don bosco makati. they still have their signature gelato and pasta dishes. we ordered pesto linguine, chicken arabiata and quatro formaggio pizza. though the servings were good for two, we were able to finish it, all of it. talk about hunger. blame the workout, ever since i got back in the gym, my appetite doubled. strolling along morato after dinner, we were trying to figure out were to have dessert. we ended having coffee at starbucks over a warm, moist chocolate cake bought at fleur de lys. the ganache chocolate cake with strawberry really hit the spot, complementing the sour, bitter taste of african coffee. really, it was the longest cup of coffee conversation we ever had. it was fun though, coffee conversations for me is the best way you can know a person. and even though you’ve known them for quite a while, you’ll still discover little things that makes them even more amazing. richard was craving for mediterranean so we drove all over the metro to find prince kebab for a stuffing chyma, shawarma and lamb kebab. so stuffed. so full…

listening to:
Waiting For My Rocket To Come – Jason Mraz: No Stopping Us

i am, somewhat, dating a married guy. yes, married. and the icing on the cake is, he has a 1 year old son. it wasn’t planned, like most of my life, planning is not involved except for project management that i really have to do it. i wouldn’t bore you with details on how we met although the exciting part of it was the tension between the two of us during that moment was undeniable, if not electrifying. i can still remember his smirk of half a smile that can give leonardo da vinci’s mona lisa a run for his money. he’s not straight, he’s not pretending to be but he knows he has a wife and a kid and he’s not denying that. his family is in bicol and he goes there once a month. he’s sweet in his own way; i see an effort on his side to push this whatever it is forward.

it’s too early for me to say that he’s relationship material, it has only been a month of dating, but what i can say is that i like him. i like him enough that my better judgment is laid somewhere and that the thought of his wife and kid is exiled in my subconscious. not constantly thinking about it, but still do. i still want to see him and likewise he wants to see me. i keep avoiding asking myself the perennial question that every kabit want to ask, me or your family; the drama! well knowing myself, i’ll blurt it out one day in the most awkward place and time.

i am officially a mistress, although ‘technically’ i am not since we are not ‘technically’ together. i’m not ecstatic with this new adjective but i have to say it’s kinda exciting. me, a mistress, a lover, a kept person. so exciting!

i was able to reach the office at 2.00pm, called the i.t. support hotline because my account got locked during the holidays. it’s was very nice of amik (india i.t. hub) and the password reset was quite fast. after that, i head to viktor at podium to have my  redux (vx design) pair fixed — the button suddenly fell out, and to check the lining of the the suit i have ino make for me. i asked for gold or silver or metallic wine. what they have is brown that is not what i have in mind. good thing that i checked it first. hopefully it will be ready before the wedding this 19th. then i headed for national bookstore for some wrappers for my christmas gifts for the office. i hand christmas gifts after the holidays, it has been a tradition for me not the go with the rush of the holidays, including valentines. i hid in one of the nego-rooms at the office and wrapped all my gifts. i’ll post the pictures later, forgot to take some. everyone says that the wrapping is nice, well i have to say it is. i really find time to make the wrapping extra special. by 6.00pm, it’s time to pack up and head for serendra, penny called up for dinner and coffee. had pad thai noodles at thai silk. freaking serendra is so crowded, you really have to reserve 2 hours before. coffee, tea and cake at coffee bean. jake at coffee bean. had interesting conversation while waiting for richard who was having dinner at mangan. did you know that the filipino translation of airplane is salipawpaw? who knew?

finished late, around 1.00am. so kind of jake to drive me over my place. you know what, i think i’m born sarcastic and single for the rest of my life. this is not a resignation but rather a realization, better accept things as they are rather than hope for something too that will never be. c’est la vie.

listening to:
Evil – Eartha Kitt: I Want To Be Evil