coffee break

When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
And you will not be alone
No you will not be alone

And when the day has all but ended
And our echo starts to fade
No you will not be alone then
And you will not be afraid
No you will not be afraid

When the fog has finally lifted
From my cold and tired brow
No I will not leave you crying
No I will not let you down
No I will not let you down
I will not let you down

Now comes the night
Feel it fading away
And the soul underneath
Is it all that remains
So just slide over here
Leave your fear in the fray
Let us hold to each other
Until the end of our days

When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
And you will not be alone
No you will not be alone

this song captures the true sentiments of love, of care and passion. i can’t really put into words how i feel hearing this song, comforting me in those trying times that i wanted to just breakout and breakdown. every piano key heals every drop of tear. every breath he takes, he gives. every note he hit, he soothes. and i’ll never be alone. (download here)

 Something To Be – Rob Thomas: Now Comes The Night

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ne night stand. quickie. fuck and run. the kind that does not require a last name, or even a name. just a smile, nod and wink and boom! your bed, or his whichever is nearer and available.

hat is so casual about sex? letting that person in your apartment, giving glimpses on how you live. you walk pass the living room, complimenting the big ming dynasty vase you inherited from your angkong; trying to make small talk in an akward moment going to your room. inside, a perfectly made queen size bed with a hypoallergenic, 500 count egyptian cotton bedding and goose feather pillows you ordered online. sharing a bed with another person, in a confined space adorned with stacks of books you’ve collected your lifetime and tall zen lampshade wrapped in recycled paper with dried leaves and wild flowers. you locked the door, from behind he reached for your waistband, promising in your ear a goodfantastic shag while slowly working your crisp, white, italian linen shirt off your body. joni mitchell singing in the background from the day when you were reading your book of the week while sipping a glass of pinot, set to muffle the would be sounds made.  and it start, nibbling ear lobes, sweet, tender kisses that turned into passionate kisses, eager hands exploring each other’s body. all clothes are off, 2 naked bodies in unison. no pretensions exist between, only the wanting and lust. kisses led to moans, and to another, and to another until you reached pure bliss. for a brief moment, you showed this other person your most vulnerable; reaching your climax. lying in bed, sweaty against the cold breezes of the air conditioning unit beside the bed. you both get up, and started to get dress. the guy saw your pictures by the vanity of your recent trip with your boyfriend, hands wrapped around each other, kissing. he asked where it was taken while zipping. zurich, you said while putting on cologne from one of the bottles beside the stack of cds at the vanity counter near the armoire. in 2 minutes, both of you were completely dressed. making your way downstairs, pass the living room, to the main door, in complete silence. and he was gone.

ow casual is sharing a bed with another person? it’s difficult to tell, i can not speak for other people. the casualness passed at the time when you let other people in your life. when other people knows something about you, those small details that make you you-how you tie your shoe lace, your ref magnet collection, that patch of hair on your right thigh-you have crossed the line of being casual to, something more than casual. it’s iffy, he knows too little to be a friend but a lot to be just acquaintances; the in-between. but for most people the casualness of a quick fuck is not knowing the other person and the probability that they’ll never see them again. is that it? are we now reduced to wishful thinking of inexistence? haven’t that guy just gave you the best eff-ing of your life? to some, it’s perfectly sane to exchange dna, not names.

guess that is why i am still celibate. i will not be a notch on someone’s list. nor will i be a wishful thinking of inexistence. some people have casual sex because they can, to some it’s about living large. me, i don’t see anything casual in sex. only the illusion we want it to be casual that we believe it to be. smokes and mirrors.

listening to:
Affirmation – Savage Garden: Two Beds And A Coffee Machine

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
Edmund Burke

   don’t like action films; i swore off from violence-in any form, when i realized that the earth i live in is a working progress. for me to have that world i want, i need to live it, want it, be it and start affecting the change i want, and in the long run, effect change. it may sound absurd, that me not watching violent films will contribute to a nicer earth. but i believe that if we all change our point of view, our vantage point, we will have that peaceful world we all so want and desperately need. i don’t see, and will never get the use of war. killing people, destroying lives all in the name of peace, it’s the biggest irony in the world.

or some unknown reason i was watching tears from the sun starring bruce willis and monica belluci. it’s an action film, more than that, it’s a war flick. it chronicles the genocide of the tribal rulers of nigeria. i was fixed in front of the tv not because of good looking cast, and strangely i was able to bypass all that explosion, grenade launchers, f16s. the movie is not about the war, it never was, it was about the hardships of these extra-ordinary people; the volunteer workers, the selfless soldiers, the victims of war.

s the movie ended, i felt this strange emotion. heavy heart, sadness, happiness, hope… somewhere in this world we breathe in are people dying, not because they are sick or old or chose to, they are victims. and there are people who selflessly help even if it would cost them their lives, trying to make a difference. making a difference doesn’t have to be in a grand scale, it doesn’t have to be the cure for cancer or be in the front line of sierra leone. if you can make a difference to 1 person, that would be enough.

listening to:
Something To Be – Rob Thomas: My, My, My

i guess i’ve grown up a little bit. i am no longer a slave to my shopping though i make impertinent purchases still. i have substituted an old vice with a new one and what better way to.

it’s not really a new one, but rather i stepped it up a notch; i am now gratifying my senses, my taste buds. my dad taught me that you haven’t lived your life if you deprive yourself of good eats. and i have been living my life pretty damn good. since i’ve declared a bar-ban, i have been spending time at home and eating out. i think i have covered 40% of the restaurants at morato and it’s my personal mission to experience all of morato’s culinary offerings. i love morato especially on a sunday, it’s very laid back with people who enjoys food less the crazy clubbing teens. well depends on the time, sometimes you get to dine with a whole family with their young children running around screaming. did you know that cafe breton has a branch in morato? it’s somewhat hidden and has a few clientelle. it’s not as busy as starbucks and seattle’s best, the way i like coffeeshops to be. the kind that gives you a homey and warm feeling, very relax and laid back. i like going there with friends and we do our catching up, or planning a trip or just kicking around.

-oOo-

i’m getting into the groove of things. i have been training really hard to get my pro-yogi build. i need to get re-certified as an iyengar yoga instructor. i had my certification when i was in india 2005, i needed to have 300 hours of classes; that’s like 200 sessions. right after, i had my certification as an ashtanga yoga instructor at istanbul 2006. i like ashtanga better that i only practiced it rather than iyengar. and now, my iyengar sucks so i’m planning to get recertification. the problem is i’m still doing ashtanga at the ashtanga center at emerald avenue and the iyengar center is in makati, which is too far from me. crossing fingers, i will be able to have a month long vacation end of this year to visit mom in florida and do some serious iyengar training there. i already inquired at iyengar institute at san francisco for certification. hopefully i can start teaching yoga again.

listening to:
Real Love – Lisa Stansfield: Change

i can’t think straight. i can’t decide even if my life depended on it. it’s so tied, so twisted that it seems futile to even think about it. the first time i can’t decide, the first time that my ever dependable instinct and no-thinking-just-do attitude failed me.

do you stay in a relationship out of security or you jump on the wagon for something more exciting, more fulfilling but without assurance? how do you choose? how do you know what’s right? do you hold on to a promise or do you sail the boat against the tide?

listening to:
Beaches – Bette Midler : I Think It’s Going To Rain Today