she stayed for 4 days and left for puerto galera for a week of scuba diving. some people ask why i did it, why i welcome total strangers into my house. and i say why not. i do get their concerns; a stranger, might be a serial killer,might be a bipolar, obsessive compulsive. and i get it. though we need to be cautious, we also need to open ourselves. how often can you say that you opened yourself to a total stranger? that you help them, not only to have a roof under them for a couple of days, but also to feel safe and feel welcome. it’s like making people experience the experience you want to have when travelling.

tonight, another couch surfer guest is staying with me until thursday, when he is flying back to korea. he’s a filipino-canadian, teaching english. that same night, a married couple from romania will be staying with me until monday next week. now if my social life would be as active as this…

the year seemed to be my stand still moment, a time to reflect. that in hindsight seemed over done. who in their right mind would need a year to reflect? yes, i’m one big crazy. the question is am i that big of a crazy. but who cares, supposedly as long as i have learned something from it. that’s all that matters. between you and me, i haven’t learned anything at all. that’s life for me. it’s a short life, i rather live it.

it’s 2010, supposedly a fresh start. it’s not just a new year but a new decade. in retrospect, i am proud of my career. 9 years in the making to be where i am right now. that in fact is what the decade is all about for me, career building. that is what i have for show kids, an untarnished, shinning and dare say enviable career.

but through it all, all the hardships, pain, travels, employers, vacations that i should have taken, 3 hospitalizations, paranoia, weddings, living alone, deals and pursuits, the years have been good to me. benjamin franklin might be a great man but i beg to disagree. it’s not only death and taxes that are constant in this world, also good friends. to the tsongers, we may not be related by blood, but you are my family. you have put up with this crazy, as i have put up with yours. and it’s no easy feat but it’s something we all have helped to build. so dahon stop your whining and sudden bouts of migration plans, we are here to stay.

welcome to miami (at least the port)

one thing i like with my phone is that it takes clear pictures and the wide screen that makes it easy for me to surf the net and post this entry. made an impromptu trip to miami because of a family emergency. won’t elaborate on that part; i hate dealing with network giants battling it out for the exclusive rights of my family’s life story. in a nutshell i have to go here and deal. just for 2 weeks, a week in miami and a week in san francisco. i have to stop/go there. since i won’t be going to new york, san francisco is my shopping fix as well as my pick me up for this unscheduled and dreaded trip. hopefully dahon and i get to meet in s.f. at for a few hours and bring her to haight st. she loves everything boho and hippie. you wouldn’t get more hippie where janis joplin once lived. i actually bought 2 “smoking pipes” here. hehehe. but before i go on dreaming about that, i’m here in this  god awful place. it keeps on raining and raining, but at time the skies clear up, and rains again. at downtown miami, later to miami beach and then meet mom at the harbor for dinner. can’t wait for friday to see the golden gate covered in fog. darn it, can’t wear tank tops…

let me explain myself. my dad’s family is from a long line of politicians. way before,  dating to my great grand dad. i even saw 3 sacks of puppet money that the japanese handed out during the world war 2 in our old house that supposedly was stolen from the barracks. during the later part of the martial law period, my dad was incarcerated. i was too young to understand it, although old enough to read the letter they handed out our family. all i can make out of it is that it was from malacanang. fortunately my dad was release after the martial law was  lifted, shortly after ninoy’s death. one reason why my mom bade my dad not to enter politics. the letter stuck to me, a letter telling my dad that he was to be arrested by virtue of plotting against the government, my mom told me much later when i was old enough to understand. to some, it may seemed coincidental. maybe it is. but what really made me admire and respect this woman is, i feel for her cause. i feel how important she is to the filipino people. even during the time that us filipinos failed her, she still was there for us. she by virtue of her stature and lineage is not a simple woman. coming from a rich clan of aristocratic hacinderos, married to a prominent and revered politician, became the president of the philippines with both executive and legislative power. these are not what  simple woman face, but she chose to be simple. i guess that is her difference. she chose to be simple, to lead a simple life for her and her family. she assumed nothing but the trust of the filipino men. guarded it to her very last breathe.

on this day that we laid her on her final resting place, i feel a sense of lost. we have lost a good person whose interest is to better us. we lost a person who gave not only her life to the servitude of the filipinos but also the life of her husband in doing so. but i also feel a great sense of pride, that a person as magnanimous as she is, is proud to be a filipino. that is ultimately what i learned from her, to be a proud filipino.

life is complicated as we know it. and ironically, as we move along and get a little wiser, we complicate it even more. we work 40 hours  a week, even more at times, to have the means to make life easier for we. we sweat blood laboring the days to finally have enough means to buy easy living. but most of the time it is that wanting for an easier life that makes it hard. a paradox, a conundrum. you need to wok extra hard to buy time with a ‘professional’ whose advise always read, take it easy cowboy, you’re not in a race. eehh? now you tell me?

life is a race. life is complicated, unfair and will beat you to a pulp when you least expect it. and yet they want us to believe that life is not mean. i know now realize and fully understand that life is what we make it. there is no zen or new-age class that can teach you what life is about or how it should be. in our thirst to make a meaning out of everything, we are left wondering and feeling unfulfilled. why should it mean something? there is no generic, cookie cutter, cardboard layout answer to it. you are not here to leave a legacy, to donate schools or help starving children.t now that would be cruel, setting expectations before hand. but it doesn’t mean you don’t have to help others.  as i see it, to make life simple, you just need to live it. no expectations.

listening to:  
Josh Groban – Josh Groban : Vincent (Starry, Starry Night)

and who have i been? how about you? think 6 years ago, what was life then? i know life would have been different compared to now, but how different? presented with the same problems, would i’ve done better? i’ve told a friend that life would have been easier if i were young. decisions are made easily, maybe not the best one but you can make those bold statements and actually believe them. young and restless; the world is your oyster so to speak. everything seems to be good, or good  enough. then you wake up one morning and realized that you’d grown up. no more excuses, no more foolishness. you need to own up.

youth. what is it with youth besides that it’s wasted with the young? i’m not really keen to be young again. i’m fine looking back at it and having a laugh. a big one. let the memories be memories, looking forward to creating new ones.

listening to:  
Songs I Heard – Harry Connick, Jr: Over The Rainbow

p.s. i love harry connick jr’s version of over the rainbow. of course judy garland’s more smoky and sultry, but harry’s throw back to the rat pack era hits me with the right punch.

see you there

listening to:
believe – cher : Strong Enough

both my aunt and uncle are retired so they just stay at home watching tfc all day. they are avid fans; i really don’t get it, why they pay us$25 for a channel i don’t even give the light of day back at home. and it’s free. the upside is that i get to enjoy home cooking, sorta since they all all this instant things like chicken broth in a can, frozen pizza and toast, even preboiled rice. the downside is, all eyes are on me, when i get home late at night after i roam the city, that shopping bag i have coming home, the delivery form amazon.com of tv series dvds i collect. i’m spoiled rotten here. i wake up to the smell of toast, freshly squeezed oj, and my favorite butter in the whole wide world, queensland. i eat, and leave everything on the table, go back to my room and enjoy high speed internet that’s good for porn. when i go out, uncle drives me to the bart, and i text him back when it’s time to pick me up. but i do chores here. techy stuff like installing software, configuring their wireless lan, tutorials, talking to customer/tech service.

after all of those healthy home cooking, i am craving from something greasy and unhealthy. i invited them for some, arguably the best burger  in the world, in and out burger, for dinner. i have to use smarts and ask tita to look for a table (since it’s full) so i can pick up the tab. just across is krispy kreme, us$6.69 a dozen, cheap if you ask me. i bought a box for breakfast to at least give them a day off preparing my breakfast. on the way home i asked them to drop me at starbucks to hang out as i try to finish my current book. saw this tumbler, got me interested and bought it. though i have 2 starbucks tumblers in manila, but this one is better for 2 reasons. first, it’s a twist seal so no spills even when travelling. and the most important thing is, 28% percent of it is made from post-consumer recycled materials. i somehow feel i’m helping mother earth  by using a recycled material and patronizing products that helps save the environment. hopefully my karmic score would improve to offset all the other things i did. and it comes with a free drink, got myself a venti mocha frap, extra shot of espresso with no whip.

finally, i got to do what i set out in the first place, i went on a training seminar for my iyengar yoga (instructor) at the iyengar yoga institute. getting rusty, but still good enough to teach.

listening to:
Victor/Victoria Soundtrack – Julie Andrews : Le Jazz Hot

The buzz word in the financial circle is recession. Unless you’ve lived under a rock during the last quarter of ’08, you’d know by now that Uncle Sam is pretty much in deep shit. And like everything else USA, it cascaded to the whole word; everyone is now in the same deep shit. Pardon my French but the analogy/expression nails it. My company, having been born and bred in obama’s backyard, had implemented strict cost saving measures that would make Scrooge look like the most giving person. Tough times, tough measures, tough love, tough luck. That warrants a post of its own should I decide not to be in the ‘boat’ (sorry, private joke).

Fast forward to now, lulling the time at the nwa lounge together with every Joe, Mate, lad and Papichullos. I noticed that half of the room is filled with Juans, your regular farm plowing Juan less the carabao. One trendy Juan was carrying the 2009 s/s men’s Gucci tote, although not in croc, still pricey (I know, I was eyeing that bag for myself), clad in last season’s Prada loafers and Dolce jeans. First reaction, color scheme is off, too dark; needs a touch of color. 2nd realization, wtf! Am I in an alternate/parallel universe? What recession? People have the money to fly business and first class, Not just anyone, Juans, cost cutting my ass. Though I feel that the airline did some cut backs as well, crappy food less snacks. The nwa lounge in Detroit airport is now a paid club, to hell if you paid hard earned, top dollars for your plane fare. Everyone is indeed feeling the crunch, should have flown SG.

Unlike those rica Juans, I am in denial. I feel the recession chasing my fanny, breathing down my neck, so I run faster and faster, deny more and more. Fuck recession, I’ma kick its nuts off. My company will try to weather this financial instability (who are we kidding, it’s a crisis) through whatever means necessary, even how unpopular. I’ll cut back on Starbucks and shoes, that should get me through this mess, crossing fingers. One bag every 6 months, and no more expensive trips, no more fine dinning. Goodbye Dunhill tote, goodbye Prada slip-on, goodbye good ol’ times. That’s my share, anything more is plain unacceptable. Why would I compromise my life for bad choices of not even even my leader (see, in denial!). No prisoners!

On a side note, as all nwa flights, we passed by Japan via Nagoya to change plane. I am flying a code share flight to Detroit, means it’s 2 flights folded to one, Delta and NW. It’s packed! They really mean lowering cost. Been mistaken as Japanese, Korean and Chinese again, but I’m used to it by now. Sometimes I even play along using my rusty and broken Nihongo. And I resent the kids beside me, they’re flying business while I have to slave for months to afford this flight. They don’t even know the difference of patte and liver spread. Darn spoiled brats. I’ll settle with Moet & Chandon, now let see those kids have a sip of that!

And when the day has all but ended
And our echo starts to fade
No you will not be alone then
And you will not be afraid
No you will not be afraid

When the fog has finally lifted
From my cold and tired brow
No I will not leave you crying
No I will not let you down
No I will not let you down
I will not let you down

Now comes the night
Feel it fading away
And the soul underneath
Is it all that remains
So just slide over here
Leave your fear in the fray
Let us hold to each other
Until the end of our days

When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
And you will not be alone
No you will not be alone

this song captures the true sentiments of love, of care and passion. i can’t really put into words how i feel hearing this song, comforting me in those trying times that i wanted to just breakout and breakdown. every piano key heals every drop of tear. every breath he takes, he gives. every note he hit, he soothes. and i’ll never be alone. (download here)

 Something To Be – Rob Thomas: Now Comes The Night

hat is so casual about sex? letting that person in your apartment, giving glimpses on how you live. you walk pass the living room, complimenting the big ming dynasty vase you inherited from your angkong; trying to make small talk in an akward moment going to your room. inside, a perfectly made queen size bed with a hypoallergenic, 500 count egyptian cotton bedding and goose feather pillows you ordered online. sharing a bed with another person, in a confined space adorned with stacks of books you’ve collected your lifetime and tall zen lampshade wrapped in recycled paper with dried leaves and wild flowers. you locked the door, from behind he reached for your waistband, promising in your ear a goodfantastic shag while slowly working your crisp, white, italian linen shirt off your body. joni mitchell singing in the background from the day when you were reading your book of the week while sipping a glass of pinot, set to muffle the would be sounds made.  and it start, nibbling ear lobes, sweet, tender kisses that turned into passionate kisses, eager hands exploring each other’s body. all clothes are off, 2 naked bodies in unison. no pretensions exist between, only the wanting and lust. kisses led to moans, and to another, and to another until you reached pure bliss. for a brief moment, you showed this other person your most vulnerable; reaching your climax. lying in bed, sweaty against the cold breezes of the air conditioning unit beside the bed. you both get up, and started to get dress. the guy saw your pictures by the vanity of your recent trip with your boyfriend, hands wrapped around each other, kissing. he asked where it was taken while zipping. zurich, you said while putting on cologne from one of the bottles beside the stack of cds at the vanity counter near the armoire. in 2 minutes, both of you were completely dressed. making your way downstairs, pass the living room, to the main door, in complete silence. and he was gone.

ow casual is sharing a bed with another person? it’s difficult to tell, i can not speak for other people. the casualness passed at the time when you let other people in your life. when other people knows something about you, those small details that make you you-how you tie your shoe lace, your ref magnet collection, that patch of hair on your right thigh-you have crossed the line of being casual to, something more than casual. it’s iffy, he knows too little to be a friend but a lot to be just acquaintances; the in-between. but for most people the casualness of a quick fuck is not knowing the other person and the probability that they’ll never see them again. is that it? are we now reduced to wishful thinking of inexistence? haven’t that guy just gave you the best eff-ing of your life? to some, it’s perfectly sane to exchange dna, not names.

guess that is why i am still celibate. i will not be a notch on someone’s list. nor will i be a wishful thinking of inexistence. some people have casual sex because they can, to some it’s about living large. me, i don’t see anything casual in sex. only the illusion we want it to be casual that we believe it to be. smokes and mirrors.

listening to:
Affirmation – Savage Garden: Two Beds And A Coffee Machine

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
Edmund Burke

   don’t like action films; i swore off from violence-in any form, when i realized that the earth i live in is a working progress. for me to have that world i want, i need to live it, want it, be it and start affecting the change i want, and in the long run, effect change. it may sound absurd, that me not watching violent films will contribute to a nicer earth. but i believe that if we all change our point of view, our vantage point, we will have that peaceful world we all so want and desperately need. i don’t see, and will never get the use of war. killing people, destroying lives all in the name of peace, it’s the biggest irony in the world.

or some unknown reason i was watching tears from the sun starring bruce willis and monica belluci. it’s an action film, more than that, it’s a war flick. it chronicles the genocide of the tribal rulers of nigeria. i was fixed in front of the tv not because of good looking cast, and strangely i was able to bypass all that explosion, grenade launchers, f16s. the movie is not about the war, it never was, it was about the hardships of these extra-ordinary people; the volunteer workers, the selfless soldiers, the victims of war.

s the movie ended, i felt this strange emotion. heavy heart, sadness, happiness, hope… somewhere in this world we breathe in are people dying, not because they are sick or old or chose to, they are victims. and there are people who selflessly help even if it would cost them their lives, trying to make a difference. making a difference doesn’t have to be in a grand scale, it doesn’t have to be the cure for cancer or be in the front line of sierra leone. if you can make a difference to 1 person, that would be enough.

listening to:
Something To Be – Rob Thomas: My, My, My

it’s not really a new one, but rather i stepped it up a notch; i am now gratifying my senses, my taste buds. my dad taught me that you haven’t lived your life if you deprive yourself of good eats. and i have been living my life pretty damn good. since i’ve declared a bar-ban, i have been spending time at home and eating out. i think i have covered 40% of the restaurants at morato and it’s my personal mission to experience all of morato’s culinary offerings. i love morato especially on a sunday, it’s very laid back with people who enjoys food less the crazy clubbing teens. well depends on the time, sometimes you get to dine with a whole family with their young children running around screaming. did you know that cafe breton has a branch in morato? it’s somewhat hidden and has a few clientelle. it’s not as busy as starbucks and seattle’s best, the way i like coffeeshops to be. the kind that gives you a homey and warm feeling, very relax and laid back. i like going there with friends and we do our catching up, or planning a trip or just kicking around.

-oOo-

i’m getting into the groove of things. i have been training really hard to get my pro-yogi build. i need to get re-certified as an iyengar yoga instructor. i had my certification when i was in india 2005, i needed to have 300 hours of classes; that’s like 200 sessions. right after, i had my certification as an ashtanga yoga instructor at istanbul 2006. i like ashtanga better that i only practiced it rather than iyengar. and now, my iyengar sucks so i’m planning to get recertification. the problem is i’m still doing ashtanga at the ashtanga center at emerald avenue and the iyengar center is in makati, which is too far from me. crossing fingers, i will be able to have a month long vacation end of this year to visit mom in florida and do some serious iyengar training there. i already inquired at iyengar institute at san francisco for certification. hopefully i can start teaching yoga again.

listening to:
Real Love – Lisa Stansfield: Change

do you stay in a relationship out of security or you jump on the wagon for something more exciting, more fulfilling but without assurance? how do you choose? how do you know what’s right? do you hold on to a promise or do you sail the boat against the tide?

listening to:
Beaches – Bette Midler : I Think It’s Going To Rain Today

which comes to the point of this entry, people can’t appreciate what they can’t see. it’s understandable, we are very visual, we depend 90% of the time with our sense of sight. we notice even the slightest change in hair style, discoloration, mismatch clothes, weight gain and loss, even your mobile phone.  it’s logical that people do change their appearance to be liked and appreciated. now comes the magical and hard to swallow but, but how about our specs? how many friends you keep, your generosity of heart, your warmth, selflessness, sense of humor, things that really matter. people seldom get appreciated with their compassion, with their ability to share themselves. case in point, person a spends 60,000.00 on a nice supple, leather bag and person b donated the same amount to charity. who among these 2 you think will people huddle around for a look-see?

this post is not pointing fingers, i am guilty most of the time. this is about self awareness, on how much value we put into how we look and not how we feel.

update: specs is a jargon for specification, defined as a detailed, exact statement of particulars, especially a statement prescribing materials, dimensions, and quality of work for something to be built, installed, or manufactured by answers.com.

listening to: 
The Ultimate Luther Vandross – Luther Vandross: A House Is Not a Home

and those available men’s clutches are boring for my taste. the shape is unflattering bordering to blah and it’s too bulky to carry it under my arm. the color is always either black or brown and not the nice hue of brown. it’s dull and doesn’t add anything. accessories, bags included, should compliment what you are wearing and your personality. it is an extension of yourself, your clothes, your style. this actually takes back against style and will set you back years even decades fashion wise. this style reminds me of old men in cheap cologne and pomade.

thankfully designers have found a better alternative to your usual clutch. i give you…

the envelope clutch! it’s shaped like an envelope with the cover flap cleverly tucked. it’s incredibly flat, thus the envelope shape, and can fit your credit cards and bills. it’s small enough for you to hold in your hand and snugly fit under your arm. it doesn’t hold that much but if you are lugging that much stuff then i recommend a tote instead of a clutch. the color alone is something to drool over; vibrant, bright colors is what the spring/summer look is about-brightens your otherwise plain wardrobe. the shape is classic and will stand the fickle trend of today’s fashion. and the crocodile skin adds that touch of class that only exotics can bring. i know this is pushing the envelope too far for manila men’s fashion, but hey, what’s a nudge forward?

just a friendly advise, if you’re using brightly colored accessories, it is best to keep your clothes to plain neutral colors to serve as a canvas. but you can always spruce it up, it really depends on the look you are going and your confidence sporting it.

nothing but good ol’ shopping to revive you from your near death experience.

listening to:
All Saints – All Saints: If You Want To Party (I Found Lovin’)

yes, weird! i just developed an allergy to polyester cotton. but doc said it will go away like my allergy to crustacean and bagoong balayan. it comes and goes. now i should not only read the brand i am wearing, i used also see if it’s hypoallergenic.  talk about label consciousness…

i also need to start eating healthy. i was caught off guard with the word healthy. it’s not in my vocabulary, i love grease and bacon fat and fast food and kapow! burger at wham! doc said she is not limiting my diet but i have to do organic foods. my body is not tolerating pesticides and my tox screening revealed mild amount of pesticide that i am allergic to. so as long mcdo is not serving pesticide enrich salad and cultured meat, i’m good. but kobe and wagyu beef sounds a really good alternative.

listening to:
The Id – Macy Gray: Gimme All Your Lovin’ or I Will Kill You